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With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect (Paperback)

With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect By Stefani Goerlich Cover Image
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A sex therapist’s playful, affirming, and informative guide to exploring desire differences between kinky and nonkinky, or “vanilla,” partners

With Sprinkles on Top offers a positive and empowering resource for talking about and working through sexual differences—particularly between kinky and vanilla partners. With more than 80 percent of adult couples in the US reporting desire discrepancies between partners, and many people holding fantasies they don’t feel comfortable sharing, With Sprinkles on Top offers much-needed support. As Dr. Stefani Goerlich makes clear—vanilla can be delicious… and so can kink! Focusing on communication and connection, this guide helps you find the sprinkles that can enhance your relationship.

With empathy and understanding, Dr. Goerlich addresses hopes and fears on both sides of a desire divide and provides shame-free guidance for relationships of different shapes and orientations. Here you’ll find:
• Helpful information about BDSM and kink—what it is, its effects on relationships, what a partner’s interest might imply… or not!• Worksheets and questionnaires to help each partner explore their desires, what turns them on, when they might feel open to experimentation, and how to talk about it• Setting boundaries—tips for feeling safe and drawing the line with care• Guidance for staying true to yourself, satisfying your partner, and finding new delights together• Insights and guidance on what “normal” and “kinky” actually mean, bringing imagination into the bedroom, polyamorous possibilities, and much more
As Dr. Goerlich writes, “The vanilla people that I work with tell me that they want relationships built on mutual love, respect, understanding, gentleness, and trust. Funnily enough, the kinky people I work with tell me the same thing… just that they want the ‘gentleness’ aspect to be negotiable.” With Sprinkles on Top affirms that vanilla and kinky people can thrive together—and offers practical solutions for protecting, preserving, and strengthening your relationship.

About the Author

Stefani Goerlich, PhD, LCSW, CST, is a certified sex therapist and master social worker who specializes in working with gender, sexuality, and relationships. She is a sought-after clinical supervisor, media consultant, and conference presenter who has appeared in media ranging from CNN and the Washington Post to Cosmopolitan and Teen Vogue. She is the award-winning author of the professional books The Leather Couch and Kink-Affirming Practice.

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Praise For…

With Sprinkles on Top is an essential read for partners who are having trouble connecting because they have different fantasies and desires. Stefani Goerlich weaves together research, clinical insight, and practical tips in an accessible and affirming style. Readers will walk away with the tools they need to explore their sexuality and cultivate more satisfying intimate relationships.” —Justin J. Lehmiller, PhD, host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, author of Tell Me What You Want

“At a time where kink is becoming more mainstream, this text should be in the hands of everyone who is in kink, kink aware, or kink adjacent. Stefani Goerlich’s tactful offering is easily digestible and will help readers feel more informed, more understood, and more reflective of the person they are and who they want to become. With Sprinkles on Top is an excellent resource with compelling content that will be relevant for many years to come. Goerlich’s expertise and brilliance shines vividly as a well-respected clinician in this field.” —Marla Renee Stewart, sexologist

With Sprinkles on Top is for everyone who has ever wondered if they, or their partner, was a pervert. Most of us have sexual desires we’re afraid to share for fear of rejection. Goerlich’s newest book offers concerned readers the most important possible message: ‘You’re ordinary.’ Even those of us with diverse sexual interests are, at the end of the day, ordinary people. Along the way, you’ll learn critical skills and techniques on how to ethically and responsibly integrate your honest sexual desires into your relationship with respect, dignity, and mutuality.” —David J. Ley, PhD, author of Ethical Porn for Dicks

“This book is far more than the average BDSM how-to! With Sprinkles on Top is an invaluable resource for couples nervous about kink but eager to explore the intimacy and trust it brings. With a disarming and empathetic approach, Stefani Goerlich guides readers through custom-crafting intentional, mutually fulfilling erotic experiences while challenging bias and shame with compassion. Packed with science-backed facts, exercises, and real-world vignettes, Goerlich reframes kink for what it truly is: joyous play, adventurous self-exploration, and a path to deep connection. Whether you’re looking to add a little spice or navigate the complexities of coming out as kinky to a vanilla partner, this transformative guide provides the tools you need to move forward with authenticity and curiosity.” —Sunny Megatron, sexologist, host of the Showtime Original series Sex with Sunny Megatron

With Sprinkles on Top is a must-read—in fact, a positive game changer—for anyone in a couple in which one partner identifies as kinky and the other as vanilla or simply uncertain if kink is for them. This engaging and easy-to-read book, full of relatable quotes and stories, is based in both science and the clinical wisdom of one of the most experienced sex therapists in the field. Throughout the book, Dr. Goerlich’s genuine compassion shines through as she guides readers to a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners. With Sprinkles on Top is a road map that will lead kinky people and their vanilla partners to be more understanding of one another and closer than ever before.” —Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate

“You scream, I scream, we all scream for… Stefani Goerlich! She shows us that ‘being vanilla’ isn’t boring and bland, it’s sexy and exciting! With Sprinkles on Top is the best book on understanding and navigating the world of kink that I’ve ever read.” —Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First

“As a urologist who specializes in sexual medicine, I listen daily to my patients and try to understand their goals when it comes to sexual health and improving their quality of life. Each person is unique, and I must be careful to create a space of comfort and open-mindedness into what brings them joy. Dr. Goerlich does a superb job of providing knowledge and language about kink practices and is able to use data to put to bed old myths and stereotypes.” —Rachel Rubin, MD, urologist and sexual medicine specialist, education chair for the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH)

Product Details
ISBN: 9781649630346
ISBN-10: 1649630344
Publisher: Sounds True
Publication Date: October 10th, 2023
Pages: 272
Language: English